Hope you are well.
Sorry I didn't have time for all the niceties last time, but I really wanted to go for a ride. Different today. Sunny but chilly, and the sun is setting.
Time to write. For the first time in a month.
As in the past, I'm listening to Pandora as I write; specifically, the Robin Bullock station. Sweet Celtic music; instrumental. Love it.
[Listening to Robin Bullock, Soldiers Return]
**
December 1st 2011
Remember the line in Casablanca when somebody asked Rick about what he was going to do that evening? He replied, "I don't know. I never make plans that far in advance."
I am at so many crossroads of life that I don't know which way to turn.
But I must make plans.
Soon.
Starting a part-time job in the morning. Writing. For a gentleman who owns three Web sites -- two are specifically related to two of my favorite destinations locally. Places that make my life joyous. Vacation spots that are not merely great reasons to live in my neck of the woods, but reasons to travel here from anywhere in the world.
Do I hope this new gig will be as fabulous as it could be? Yup. But, big disappointments are almost always based on irrational expectations.
I have much to learn ... and a few things to share.
[Norman Blake, Dry Grass on the High Fields]
Am I going to get my hopes all screwed up? Nope.
Just gonna give it my best shot. Ask for God's blessings.
Weather the worst and hope for the best.
And be thankful for it all.
**
Always a Snag
Applied for a job last month. Temporary. Walking, lifting, bending, lifting, walking, gasping, lifting, walking and climbing stairs delivering packages. Heavy suckers.
Yup, for you-know-who.
The opening was supposed to be from Thanksgiving until Christmas.
They called me today at 1:30 to ask me to come for an orientation in the morning -- the first day of my new freelance gig.
Figured a package boy (PB) must've bitten the dust after a few long days. They figured they'd call the old fat guy. I kinda feel like the unknown crewman at the beginning of a Star Trek episode. You KNOW he's gonna get phasered or photon torpedoed before the theme music kicks in.
The job pays virtually half what I expected and is probably twice as hard as I fear.
Asked if they have another orientation scheduled for Friday, instead of tomorrow. They said they'll call me back if they do.
Figure they're bound to have another PB croak/quit by then.
Maybe ten.
**
Lunch with BF
The call from PB Land came as I was returning a stupid purchase from a great big box store. A space heater. The box showed these HUGE flames inside a quaint replica wood stove. Looked like it could melt icecaps.
Got it home. Set it up. Plugged it in. Saw the knob to turn to adjust the intensity of the picture of the fake flames. Seriously. I bought an $80 replica of a stove with this WEENSY little heater screwed onto the bottom that emitted as much heat as a snake.
Dogs.
*
So ... I'm in line to return the fake heater.
Made me wonder if there's a TV show somewhere dedicated to filming idiots like me who fall for buying such jetsom.
I can hear the emcee now:
"But WAIT!!! Here's another hilarious clip showing a chubby old guy buying The Fake Flame-O-Matic!!! Watch! Here he comes down the aisle. He's looking at the box ... looking at the box. He sees the picture of giant flames. Yes! You can see him squint ... wait for it ... wait for it ... THERE!! We Got Him! This guy is so stupid he's actually wondering if The Fake Flame-O-Matic will set his carpet and drapes on fire. What a fool!!!"
<audience erupts into wild laughter>
<fade to black>
*
Where was I?
Oh, yeah.
*
So, I'm standing in line and I see an old friend, BF, smiling and waving.
Drove him to a favorite Mexican restaurant and asked for his opinions on a zillion things. Great time. Great timing.
Nice to have a trusted friend give you advice
knowing you don't have to take it
but that it's given in kindness
and with your best interests in mind.
Then he bought my meal.
Doesn't get much better than that.
:-)
Now, if I can only remember what BF said to do.
**
December 1st in the 90s
Yes, I obsess on my divorces.
Went through the bloodiest one almost 20 years ago.
Two days of "How do I hate thee? I counted the ways.
Time to tell the judge, our witnesses
and our tweenaged daughters."
Made it through. Not exactly a big surprise. Just a big disappointment.
Yup. I had irrational expectations for that marriage and that spouse.
Ditto for her.
Divorce, which was once rare, is as common as having a car wreck.
[Aureole Trio, Down By the Sally Gardens]
**
December 1st in the New Millennium
After several years of legal (physical, spiritual and marital) separation from My Final Wife, December 1st rolled around again.
Survived my friendliest divorce. Kind words.
Blessings as we rent asunder our marriage and parted.
Had lower expectations, but you always hope for the best.
Had the best times. At times. But then ... well, you know.
**
Still think it's odd that I've been divorced twice on December 1st. Almost as odd as marrying two women born on the same day (in different years).
More interesting facts?
Two had/have big hearts.
Two were the best at being girlfriends/lovers.
Two had the capacity to speak the truth. One usually did.
Two had college degrees. The smartest one didn't.
Two could charm the wings off angels. One wouldn't bother trying.
Felt much love toward two of them.
One more than the others.
They all have loving friends and family.
I'm glad.
But that was then.
Now I have grandchildren. They're so cool.
With the rest of my family and friends, they're all I need.
**
Today
[Chris Procter, The Penultimate House (On Salmon Beach)]
Checked in with the unemployment office. Reported my earnings and work search information for last week. I'll get a check on ... yup. December 1st.
Next Friday will be my final full check.
If you are vulnerable to freaking out, that'll do it.
*
The Downside
Angry at myself for not taking the time to write The Great Rural Novel since I lost my job in June.
Haven't mastered French.
No flights to Europe or train rides to NOLA.
Very few motorcycle rides during the week.
Zero naps during the day. Zero movies/TV before 5 PM.
Zero dates. Just life as it is.
Great but imperfect.
[Robin Bullock, Between Earth and Sky]
*
The Upside
I'm thankful for the time spent slogging through the world's most skronked manuscript. Three authors, plus committees. Too many cooks in the kitchen produced too many words/thoughts/rambling on the pages.
I learned so much in the process. Loved every page, finally.
I've had time to visit my Dad. Not enough.
Especially with the three hospitals he's been in recently.
More visits to come.
Had time to volunteer at my daughter's used furniture store. Fun times for me. Way harder for her to open a store in this economy. Think it's brought us closer. At least she knows I'll always try to "be there for her."
*
It is stunning to me that all my bills have been paid on time for the past five months "out of work." Simply a miracle.
The car runs well, in spite of having almost 331,000 miles on it.
The Bike runs well, even at 55,000 miles (a lot for a cruiser).
God has kept all my appliances working.
Haven't needed a doctor.
Only used credit a couple of times, mostly for convenience.
My freelance income has doubled since last year; if all goes according to plan, it should triple by the end of the year.
I'm getting along better with my brother. Still haven't met my latest grandchild and The Princess hasn't been here in almost a year.
The lesson is ... you can handle far more pain than you imagine.
[Kremidas, Sammy]
Even in pain there is much to be thankful for ... joys to acknowledge ... hopes to hope ... people to love and forgive ... and many ways to give.
**
90 Days
I'll be eligible for Social Security in 90 days. Gotta begin making plans. Or not.
[Robin Williamson and His Merry Band, Her Scattered Gold]
Here's the deal -- obvious to you, of course -- Social Security is for those who want to retire. It's not part-time income until your ship comes in or a between-jobs supplement.
If you start, then stop, it's OK. You just have to repay whatever they've paid you (if you're under 67 years old). Oh, and it has to be in one lump sum.
Like that's gonna happen.
And you cannot work more than 30 or 40 hours per month.
<gasp>
I dunno. Nice to have options. Just don't have any idea which one to take.
Especially when the people at SS ask, "How much do you plan to make in 2012?" Danged if I know.
"Something between nothing and $60,000" is, evidently, not the correct answer.
**
The Good News
The Wise say "God doesn't steer parked cars."
Sounds good.
[Solas, The White Petticoat / Stan Chapmans / The Miller's Maggot]
If I don't make enough, I lose my house.
If I make too much, I can't get Social Security.
blah, blah, blah
Rich people problems.
Nothing more.
Not like most people on Earth who are fighting to survive in conditions that I wouldn't want to experience on a weekend camping trip.
I have four sinks in my home where I can turn a faucet for a drink of water. My refrigerator has a fancy filtered water spigot. I have two showers all to myself. Three toilets. A big fancy girl-tub by a picture window overlooking The Dancing Deer Forest.
Hundreds of millions of people do not have ANY access to clean water.
[Dan Crary, In Flagrante]
Laugh, but I have enough canned ravioli and other delectables to last a month. My garage is bigger than the homes of most people on this planet.
And I'm whining about ... "Oh, poor me! What ... ever ... shall I do?"
When the answer is: Whatever I want. Whenever I want to.
I live in America.
I am healthy.
Money in the back.
Willing to work.
A few skills worthy of $25-50 an hour. Far more, on occasion.
I have friends and family.
I live in a safe neighborhood.
No one's out to get me.
My life is blessed beyond the wildest dreams of virtually billions of people.
[John McCutcheon, Wind That Shakes the Barley, Morpeth's Rant, Staten Island]
Better than that?
I believe and I know this is true:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans for welfare and not for calamity
to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).
No divorce
no broken heart or broken dream
no job loss
no imperfection in life
can possibly negate
God's plans for my welfare and protection
and His plans to give me a future
and a hope.
Life is good.
God is great.
I'll be fine.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
