Hope you are well.
So much I wanna share, so I'll get right to it.
***
Not sure where to start. Life has been so amazing lately.
First of all, thanks for making my blog (better known as a "post") about my dad the most-read thing I've ever posted. He deserves it. Here's the link, if you missed it.
**
Want to say/write that I don't expose myself like this because I think you should. I only do so because I believe I should.
We all cringe and shudder at TMI posts. Yes, me too. But this is all about Openness & Honesty. I don't expect you to do the same.
I will say, however, that years ago BJ told me in reference to parenting, "Catch them doing something good!" Since the miserable years of pitiful parenting when the girls were little, I've tried adopting this attitude/skill.
Yes, I still fail miserably. Like the time I pitched a childish fit about not wanting to wear a tie at my daughter's wedding. [Insert Jewish accent here] "Such a jerk I can be!!! Oy!"
I want to go to people and tell them the good things I tell others about them. I also want to go to people and say those things that should be said directly to them, and not to others.
I want to say what needs to be said, especially if it is positive and affirming.
I'm thankful and grateful for the people in my life who encourage and inspire me to write. I will never come close to expressing myself as well as this author, but I will attempt to nail my goal of being Open & Honest with you.
OK?
***
Christmas
You're not going to believe this, but I actually spent much of Christmas Day with both my daughters and their families.
Met my most recent grandson for the first time. Held him and held him and held him, even though he's already the size of a pro football lineman. Big. Kid. Loves to be held. We were made for each other. For now, anyway. At some point, he's gonna have to hold me instead. Maybe another month or two.
**
"How much is woe?"
An old friend used to ask that question ... mostly in jest. Helped her stay true to the Lord. And her friends, I guess. Haven't seen/heard from her in almost 20 years. A casualty/spoil lost/won in a divorce.
I know how much "woe" is. Ready? Woe is not having your beloved granddaughter in your home -- even though she lives 70 miles away -- for a year.
But even woe has its limits.
Precisely one year -- to the day -- The Princess was here at my house again. God, her mother and step-father allowed her to return. On Christmas Night.
We had a blast. Stayed up until [insert bogus time here so I won't get in trouble] and watched Harry & the Hendersons and laughed and snacked.
Yes, I was magnanimous to the point of allowing her to beat me at Connect Four. No, I am not lying. Not me. Nope. Me? Lie??? Ha!
OK. I lied. This kid is SO SMART that there were times she had multiple ways to win with a single move -- and one of the moves would have given her a DOUBLE "connect four." Rotten kid.
Finally took a picture of her having two ways to beat me. She would have had three, but I cleverly placed my yellow checker at the upper right.
When she was SURE I wasn't trying hard enough -- and honked at me for "letting her win" -- I pretended she was right. Yup. That lasted until the next time she beat me.
And. We. Delighted ... in our time together.
*
Morning and mourning broke when the sun rose.
God entertained us with visitors from The Dancing Deer Forest.
We had lunch at our favorite restaurant -- at The Princess's favorite location. Because that's what grampas do.
Even if they get snippy about wearing ties.
**
My dad is OK. Dialysis causes more cramping. He's not sleeping all that well. And he has the normal maladies that a gentleman who turned 91 can expect.
I thank God for allowing us to gather on Christmas Eve and celebrate the 91st anniversary of his birth. Not all of his six grandchildren and nine great-grandchildren could be there ... but all wished him well ... and all love him more than he knows.
***
Donna the Honda hit 333,000+ miles while driving through Atlanta on a stormy Friday night.
Yes, I thank God each time the car starts. No, I don't expect it to last forever. Yes, I expect God's love, protection and grace to endure forever. So I ain't skeered.
***
Forgotten how many times I've crashed and burned
[Yes, I'm getting to my 50th Anniversary. Sheesh! Be patient.]
as I've pitched my editing skills.
Used to find potential clients and go on their Internet sites. I'd look around for a few minutes. Invariably, I'd find a typo or two. I'd capture them and send the prospect a quick pitch with their original copy (and location on their site) and my proposed changes.
Yes, I thought that was a great idea.
CHORUS: "It wasn't. In fact, we think that was stupid. Do you really believe people will hire you for pointing out their mistakes? Don't you know that even the people at "the Christian" agency will stop speaking to you? We think you are SUCH a dope."
No, it didn't go as planned.
Until now.
HA!!!
Got a gig updating a gentleman's three websites. Just finishing up the first one now. Yes, I am being paid [more per hour than is being offered to attorneys through GA's DOL for temporary work].
No, it's not full-time. Yes, it's short-term.
Other word geeks turn celadon with envy when I tell them I am *paid* to rifle around Web sites on search-and-destroy missions eradicating typos and errors of all ilk and manner.
What. A. Deal.
***
Still isn't enough to pay the bills.
Still getting a bit of unemployment -- with my earned wages subtracted from the gross amount.
Still looking for full-time work.
Still not finding work.
Considering Plan S: Social Security.
Yes, I am old enough. (Although my pastor sincerely didn't believe it when I told him. That was nice.)
Going in for an intense meeting with the SS folks tomorrow.
Seems self-employed individuals cannot work more than 45 hours per month and collect SS benefits.
I have worked for almost 50 years, counting being a paperboy for the Times-Union newspaper in Rochester in the 60s. No such job anymore. No such paper anymore. Times have changed.
Retired people can earn $14,640/year and not diminish their SS benefits. Self-employed people can earn that much NET, but they have to work fewer than 45 hours per month.
Last week I concluded my work on a friend's book. My first look at the book was April 9th of last year. I put in at least a hundred hours on that project. Then I took a "final" look at all 15 chapters and two additional sections. Probably took another 35-45 hours over five or six days.
That's what I *love* doing. That's what I want to do in my retirement. That's how I want to supplement my SS benefits.
But the law seems to say I cannot pursue my dreams -- if I am paid -- for more than an average of two hours a day, six days a week. Or I will be ineligible for benefits. Even though I might only make 25% of the amount of money I am allowed to earn.
Sounds crazy. God would have me be honest, whether I want to or not.
Gotta earn more money.
Cannot sell my character.
Must. Survive.
***
Worlds Collide
So, we're all minding our own business.
Nobody's hanging around bars, joints, people you shouldn't hang around with, or any of that.
Casual conversation with a friend of a friend.
A few giggles. A few "likes."
And life changed.
Just.
Like.
That.
CHORUS: "Robert! No! Not again! Haven't you learned?"
**
Have you ever clicked with anyone?
No, not just the way I clicked with PJ and ended up at her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas, with her hubby and kids. More than just loving and all that.
No, not the kind of clicking I have with LHH, who knew she could open up and tell me stuff she needed to tell someone, but didn't know who. Only to thank me afterward.
Not like Nancy, who took me on a lunch date after church ... because we get along so well and so easily. (Thanks to her hubby, who paid.)
Not like my fishing buddy. Not like the guys I ride with. Not like friends I watch football with.
Not like my friend who has me listed as a contact person at her doctor because she knows she can count on me.
Not like ... anybody.
***
Dylan says "You can't be wise and in love at the same time."
Dr. Gary Chapman, famous for his Love Languages work, says screwy, goofy, la-la land infatuation lasts about 18 months. He also says that type of puppy/goofy love is something very similar to insanity.
CHORUS: "Yeah, but you're screwy, goofy and insane ALL the time."
**
I used to think I'd never [insert wording like "get into a relationship" here] with anyone who didn't meet the approval of PJ, JK, TP, DL, EJ and a bunch of other people.
Now I don't give a rip what they think.
Mostly.
Although it was affirming when Dad said, "Good for you! You deserve it! Everybody needs a playmate!"
Ha!
**
We can go for hours with no contact. Then we call/text at the same moment.
We can talk for hours and it seems like minutes.
My annoying habit of giving opinions/advice is something she likes.
She thanks God for my listening ear and care.
Best part? God answers our prayers for one another.
In amazing, specific ways.
***
CHORUS: "Don't tell us that you two ...."
No. Don't worry.
God is too wise to give us more than we can handle.
But when I hear her ringtone, it's prettier than my line spinning after a striper hits a topwater lure. Better than The Bike redlining on the way to The Tail of The Dragon. More comforting than any of the songs on Dylan's Blood on the Tracks.
CHORUS: "We think we're going to be sick."
Pavlov's dog has nothing on me when The Girl From the North Country and I connect.
It makes me happy. Happier than I have been in years.
Years of no kissing/touching and very few dates of any degree.
Long years. Lonesome, but not lonely years.
Now ...
life has changed.
***
TGFNC and I connect. We click. We love giving/receiving mutual attention and blessings.
Whatever "it" is ... we have "it."
***
From afar.
1,047 miles to be exact.
CHORUS: "Knew it! You're crazy, do you know that? Have you even MET her?
Well, not exactly.
Or ... to be more specific ... No.
CHORUS: "That did it. We're outta here."
Wait.
She's a Christian. She knows/loves God. Walks with Him. Wants to serve Him. Knows the heartache of divorce.
Did I mention we click?
CHORUS: "OK. That's the good news. What aren't you telling us?"
She has a bunch of kids. Really good kids. A couple are young and they need their dad.
She's WAY too young for me. Like, 65 when I'm 80. Don't have the heart to put her through that kind of ringer. But she says ...
CHORUS: "We will bet she likes snow. Right? She likes snow. Right?"
We both have so much baggage. Exes and errors.
Bills and layoffs. Fears and dreams.
Yes. She actually likes snow.
Aaarrrghhhhh.
CHORUS: "We knew it. Is she a rabid fan of Dylan or The Princess Bride?"
Did I mention she is beautiful?
OK. It would take a miracle. Happy?
Doesn't appear to be any way we'll ever connect.
Until we chat or text. Then there are no miles.
There are no obstacles. There are no issues.
CHORUS: "There is no sanity."
I know.
What we have is complicated.
But it's fabulous.
The best for both of us.
All it can be.
CHORUS: "Please don't say 'for now!'"
Only God knows the future.
**
We're not making promises we cannot keep.
We're thankful for what is ... and what isn't.
We know God loves us.
He knows we love one another.
CHORUS: "Do you actually believe you can love a person you've never met? Gag us..."
I don't believe other people can.
I just know I do.
So ... laugh ... scoff ... fear ... think the best or the worst.
*
Told her she could read this before it's published.
Meant it.
She said, "I trust you."
*
This is the way it is
on the 50th anniversary of the day
I kinda met
TGFNC.
CHORUS: "SECURITY!!! Somebody call 'Security!'"
*
Hey, all I ever promised you was Openness & Honesty.
This isn't "Twelve Ways to Live a Wise, Loveless Life!"
*
God knows our needs
our wants and desires.
CHORUS: "We know 'long-distance relationships' don't work!"
Nothing is perfect.
All I can say is I thank God for a lady who cares for me ... prays for me ... likes me ... and clicks with me. Whether it meets anyone's definition of love or a relationship or not. For someone to care for ... pray for ... laugh with.
She'd say the same.
***
"Thus far the Lord has helped me" says a favorite Bible verse.
Life has new twists and turns ... ups and downs ... and a new character.
CHORUS: "You're a character. Listen, be nice to this woman! She might not have good taste, but we don't doubt she's wonderful. Don't hurt her."
That's the deal.
**
Hope this didn't throw you for too much of a loop.
Not that I care.
:-)
