Hi.
Hope you are well.
I am.
**
Stats
Just looked up the readership figures for the past week. How many people do you think hit the blog?
Wrong.
Seven.
Only nine people follow it.
I don't care. If I did this to feed on the praise or to be a big shot I would've given up a long time ago.
Writers write because they must.
I'm not the kind of writer who needs readers.
Sorry.
I mean it's OK if you read this stuff. Nice if you like it. Great if you share it.
But this is primarily an act of self-preservation.
No offense, OK?
Oh. Comments. It's true that for a long time I never allowed any to be posted on this blog. The ones all about self-promotion weren't worthy. The ones all about flattering me were embarrassing. And the comments that were clueless made me think only other clueless people read my posts, so they were nixed too.
But. If there's something you want to add, OK.
If it helps others, I probably won't filter it out.
But don't do it for me, OK?
***
Update On Me
I'm fine. This week. A week or so ago was hell.
End of the month bills. No earnings.
End of my rope, so I headed for the hills.
Took a day off and rode for seven hours on The Bike. Cleared my head.
Came home and reignited my passion to look for/find work.
Nothing found. Yet.
***
Update on Friends
Talked to a member of my Great Man/Great Guy Hall of Fame yesterday. Wealthy man. (Tip: Wealthy people hire the people who become rich.)
This guy's wife once told me that in all their years of marriage he had never -- ever -- been unkind to her.
He's a genuinely sincere Christian.
Hurt his back. Called me from his car on the way to physical therapy.
In pain. Already had surgery to relieve the pain.
This is a man who does not drive a 20-year-old Honda with 328,000 miles on the odometer. He can buy any car he wants. He could buy one for every day of the week in different colors.
Has an ailing relative who lives several hours away by car. Too far to go -- in any car -- without causing life-controlling pain. Feels guilty about not going to see his friend/relative. Thinking of a way to lessen the pain of travel ... wants to visit ... feels he must ... but it hurts so much.
Me? Keep the money and the cars and the adoring wife.
I'll take my troubles, thank you,
if it means I can zip & wiggle on The Bike all day.
*
Another member of my Great Guy/Great Man Hall of Fame has a perfect daughter loved by his perfect wife. Asthma. Doctors wanted the child hospitalized, but the family's care was superior, so the docs let the family tend to her at home.
Around the clock. For days. With plenty of prayer. Without griping.
My kids and grandchildren? Fine.
Do I get to visit with them all? No.
Life is imperfect.
Thanks, but I'll keep my troubles and my healthy family.
And I'll pray for those with real problems
not merely my bumps in the road.
*
One member of my Great Guy/Great Man Hall of Fame got fired/laid off from a company he used to lead when it was many times larger.
Ya know how people like me are all bitter about the [omit reference to spurious lineage of former employers] who done us wrong?
This man asked to be allowed to continue to work for free. He's invested much of his life in his job. For him, it's a ministry that he does, as the Bible says, "As unto the Lord, rather than unto men."
They said it was OK for him to come to the office once a week, and to travel for the benefit of the ministry at their expense. They chose wisely.
Three men I admire.
Three different types of troubles.
Three men I hope you meet in heaven who are blessed of God and who would not trade their trials for mine.
Because God only gives us the grace to go through and endure our own trials, not everyone else's. We need God. They need God. That's the deal.
Heard the other day that Andy Stanley said "The only thing worse than discouragement with God is discouragement without God."
Amen.
***
Lights in Tunnels
Rode The Bike to a family reunion earlier this summer.
Took the Blue Ridge Parkway for 100 miles or so. Loved it. Great views. Herds of Harleys hogging the highway, but there are ways around them.
A peaceful path through the hills.
Cool two-lane tunnels add a bit of spice to a rather slow ride. Couple of them are so long and curved that you cannot see the light of day at the end.
On sunny days I wear sunglasses and use a tinted shield on my helmet. Works great. Until you hit a tunnel.
The Bike roars and reverbs in the darkness. (One headlight does not a tunnel illuminate.) But the total blackness doesn't last long. You quickly see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and you are delivered back into the familiar day.
Just another reason I love riding The Bike. It's more about the path you're on than the ultimate destination.
This particular destination included loving, affirming family at a lakeside home that would flatter the pages of any glossy magazine. Fancy speedboat, comfy pontoon boat, couple of crazoid personal water craft, a canoe or two, and inflatables for those who strayed from the shaded safety of the deck overlooking the lake.
But getting there was as much fun as being there.
That passion for the road I'm travelling -- not merely longing for the destination -- is my goal for this stretch of the road of my life.
***
I'll Be Happy. As Soon As ...
Had a job for many years that occasionally required placating unreasonable religious zealots. Men who believed God gave their radio stations (always called a "ministry" in order to refute any challenge to their decisions) the entire state of Texas, for example. Anyone who dared bring another C/christian radio station into their territory was the enemy of all that was holy.
I've forgotten how many days I wasted trying to negotiate sufficient time between the release of one religious program on one station and airing the same broadcast on another station several cities or states away. Many.
These men of god were defending their own selfish empires, as compared to welcoming any advancement of the Kingdom of God. Gall, in all its glory.
I remember one time when I/we put a fire out. Seemed to make everybody happy (although pleasing God was not part of the goal). Told an advisor in California that the problem was solved and the man at the center of controversy was happy.
I'll never forget what she said. "Of course he's happy. He got his way."
Don't know why I was so surprised by that nugget of wisdom. Still am.
***
The point is: everybody's happy when they get their way.
My goal in this season of life is to be happy, even if I'm not getting my way.
I want a good job. One where I feel that my life is not wasted on talking suckers into spending more than they can afford for something they don't need.
To hell with that, thank you.
*
It's reasonable to presume I'll live another 15 years or so.
I must support myself for that long.
I do not mind working until the day I die.
I do not expect anyone else to provide for me.
(Yes, except God.)
But that's then. This is now.
Today I do not have a job.
I looked for a job today, but I did not find one.
The tunnel remains dark.
Hate me, but I'm happy anyway.
*
I paid the mortgage online. It was $40 more than I mentally budgeted.
No extra fees or charges. I simply forgot the newly adjusted amount.
I am overdrawn. Until tomorrow.
Nothing's going to bounce. No one will go unpaid.
I don't need donations.
Money is tighter than it will be when I get My Great Job.
And more abundant than it will be if I don't.
***
A friend told me of a cashier she met at Wally World. Cast on her leg. Doctor had told her not to return to work too soon. The WW worker has two kids. Now she has doctor bills she didn't have when ends didn't meet last month.
I'll keep my troubles, thank you.
***
Joy in the Darkness
It is my goal to be happy -- not just thankful -- today and tomorrow and the next day.
I am not going to wear sackcloth and ashes because I don't have a job.
I have this impression that I am expected to play the part of a formerly productive member of society who has joined the festered masses who are condemned to eke a miserable existence in Loserdom.
Nonsense.
My life is good.
I am healthy.
I am fed.
One of my daughters loves me. I have friends. I can see, taste, walk, feel, smell (no wisecracks, please) and hear, if you speak up.
I have enough money to help others, at times.
As I say in almost every blog, I am among the most wealthy people in the world. So are you, believe it or not, I don't care who you are.
If you have access to clean water, you're rich.
If you have a roof over your head, you're rich.
If you worry more about being overweight than how to feed your kids, you're rich.
Hate to tell you this ... but, if you're not grateful for your life [insert a phrase here that is much kinder than "you're crazy" or "you're an ingrate" or similar insults].
**
What would it take to make you happy?
More money?
Sounds good, but there are lots of desperate people with lots of money.
Better job?
I understand, but there's more to life than the glory of a good job.
Marriage or divorce?
A gazillion people believe they'd finally be happy if they were married.
A gazillion people believe they'd finally be happy if they were divorced.
But neither marriage nor divorce makes people happy.
It just changes things from one state to another.
The secret is to learn to be happy where you are ... not just hope and/or pray for whatever changes you want that will suddenly bring the bliss that eludes you today.
**
I know. Talk/blogging is cheap.
My kids don't have cancer.
My beloved [whomever] isn't on life support.
I'm not being evicted.
I'm not in jail.
I'm not [insert calamity here].
You're right.
All I have is my measly little problems.
And you can't have them.
Keep your own. Yours are probably WAY worse than mine.
But you do not have to be mastered by your circumstances. If only for a few minutes a day; then, an hour at a time; then, for a day or two.
Or choose to be miserable until [insert hope/dream/relief of your choice here].
Is it easy for you to finish this sentence? Do you know EXACTLY what you'd say? "I'll be happy as soon as ...."
Why not admit what you're saying is "I'll be miserable until ...."
That's more like it, isn't it?
If being miserable makes somebody else carry your load
do your work for you because you're too [whatever]
carry your burdens because you're too [whatever]
take your crap because you're too [whatever]
go for it. Knock yourself out.
Some people don't WANT to get better.
Being miserable is their life's work.
It's what they're good at.
And it meets their needs.
Not me, bucko.
I don't want or need anyone's sympathy.
I don't need pity.
I don't need to act all sad that I lost my job.
Hate me, but I'm going to have all the fun I can muster until I get my next job.
I'm going to spend 40 hours a week looking for work and I'm going to live it up after "work." Just like you do/should do.
I'll have lunch with friends when I can afford it.
I'll spend an evening with friends when I'm available.
I'll see my family when I'm free to do so.
And I'm going to sit on my deck and listen to the birds and the breeze and write to you from time to time.
I'm going to tell you: God. Meets. My. Needs.
**
I can whine about what I don't have
or I can focus on all my many blessings.
Not only am I going to be happy until I find a job,
I'm going to be happy even if/when I do go back to work.
I am not going to waste my life being miserable and making others miserable.
**
The Foundation of My Hope
Saw a sign on a telephone pole. All it said was "Hope."
Nice, but you can hope all you want in [whatever]. Sooner or later your hope must have a worthy basis. Won't be anything that doesn't endure.
Eventually, I believe you'll be faced with the undeniable truth that it's you and God. Just the two of you against the world.
**
My hope is in God.
I know He will care for me. Comfort me. Provide for me. Love me.
And forgive my sins.
He can take all the scraps of my life and weave it into a graceful tapestry.
I look forward to the next few hours. I look forward to tomorrow.
I look forward to enjoying the freedom to plan my own days.
And I look forward to getting a good job again.
Even if there's no light at the end of the tunnel I'm in and I can't see which way the road ahead twists and turns.
It's OK.
I can see where I am right now and it's good.
God is with me.
He is all I need to be happy.
**
May you find joy wherever you are
and wherever you will be.
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