Two Months Later

Hi.

Hope you are well.

Knew exactly what I wanted to write to you about.  Great stuff.  All organized and partly pithy.

That was somewhere around 5 AM.  It's a little after 2 PM now.  Should'a stopped to blog then because I haven't a clue what it was I wanted to share.

All that's clear is the title.

***

Two Months Later

Been out of work for two months.

Thankful to God for unemployment checks and for His extra provision.  Nice of Him.

But to be honest with you, I'm not doing all that well with God.  Not that I don't believe or hope or ... well, you know.  Just that much of the "bring it" bravado is gone.

And I have a GOOD life, not a crummy one like zillions of others.

It's like the difference between a weekend camping trip in nice weather and spending the summer in Alaska.  One is fun, one is commitment.

One's gonna be over fast.  One's gonna last a long time.
But they're both going to end.

Don't know when/if this season will end.
Hard times last.
Weak people don't.

With the understanding that God can do anything whenever He wants -- without warning, hints or apparent logic -- I do not see any end to my joblessness.

Have I exhausted every possibility?  Nope. 
Most possibilities, but I haven't applied at [insert someplace lower than Walmart here].
Yet.

***

Almost laughed last week when the moron on the radio reported moronically [You're right.  In two mere months, I'm not as nice as I used to be.] how the weekly "first-time" claims for unemployment were slightly higher than expected. 

The figure?  I think it was 417,000. 

Real people. 
Really out of work for the first time. 
Families really screwed.
[Click here for link.]

Googled the population of Omaha.  414,000.
[Click here for link.]

A week or two earlier the first-time unemployment stat was all the way down to twice the population of Rochester, NY.

Every week the same number of people as in prominent US cities lose their jobs.  Only the ones who apply for unemployment are counted.

People with degrees, experience, grey suits and/or red dresses, shoes with tassels and/or designer labels -- people with school loans, kids who play sports, car loans, needy family members, medical bills and nutso amounts of money on credit cards -- lose their jobs, incomes, benefits, prestige, business lives, perks and too often: purpose.

Do you really think we're all gonna get new jobs?
Decent jobs with decent pay?
Benefits?

Sorry.  There's a difference between faith and insanity.

***

Not sure when I abandoned my quest for meekness and humility.

Cut me off in traffic and I'll flip you off faster than the speed of screaming.

Mock poor people or "people of Walmart" and I'll nail your judgmental hubris in an instant.  I'll do all I can to drive the truth into you that you are only weeks away from ruin.  Laugh.  Believe in whatever you like. 

Seriously?  Do you believe your life could not be ruined?  Today?

Not beyond God's ability to reconstruct -- just different than it is today.  But beyond recognition.

I don't care who you are.

"Doctor!  There must be some mistake!  I can't have [insert disease here]."

"What do you mean you met someone on the Internet?  We have children!"

"You've been arrested?  For WHAT?"

"An ACCIDENT?  Are they OK?"

"Not gonna pay?  But we had insurance for this kinda thing!"

"They can't just make you reenlist?  You have a family!  Can they?"

"But if you don't pay what you owe me ... I'll go bankrupt!"

"You can't fire me!  I've been here for [insert years here]."

"Someone told me they saw you ...."


Anybody still reading this?
Helloooooo????

I know.  You think this couldn't happen to you, right?
Trouble ain't comin to your door.
These are only the ramblings of a discouraged loser.

Good for you, Sparky.
Hold on to that thought.

And don't ever read another newspaper about what's happening in Africa or Asia or South America or our own United States.

Obliterate the impressions of millions of people with no electricity after this weekend's hurricane.  It's all that liberal media garbage that you don't have to listen to.

Iraq.  Iran.  Chad.  Haiti.  Israel.  Uganda.

If you're like me, you cannot even name all the countries where war is raging today.

Can you?  No. 
Because we don't care.

We have our own problems.
Right?

***

Yup.

In two short months, I've changed.

Sorry.

***

I used to love starting conversations by asking, "What would you do with a million dollars?"  Began many delightful chats that way.  Learned about people's hopes and aspirations.  Dreams and desires ... good and reckless.

Now I want to ask everyone: "How would you cope with disaster?"

***

Got my first new car when I was 21.  A Gremlin.  Loved it.  Light blue.  Roof rack.  Zippy little sucker.  Cost me $2,000, brand-new.

Bought a new VW Rabbit Champagne Edition in the 70s.  Loved it.
Bought a new VW Fox wagon in the 80s.  Loved it.

Might have been another new car.  Bunches of nice used ones. 
Five convertibles.  Five motorcycles.
I forget how many cars.

***

I do remember that one of those new cars was snagged by the law courtesy of my newly "born again" wife in our [first] divorce.

That was the winter of 1976-77.  I was a new Christian myself.  Began reading the Bible.  Began going to church.  Stopped smoking pot before/at/after work; haven't smoked since.

We lived in a small town 30 miles from where I worked the afternoon shift on an AM/FM radio station.  I hitchhiked to/from that job six days a week in the worst winter you can imagine.  (Google it.)

I walked a mile to the on-ramp of the interstate to stick out my thumb.  Walked a mile from the off-ramp to my job.  It was dark by the time I left work.  Cold.  Windy.  Snowy.

Hitchhiked in frigid mornings and after dark.  Thirty miles each way.  Through an empty countryside.  Sixty miles a day.  Six days a week.  For at least six weeks.  Do the math.

I remember bursting into tears on the way home in some stranger's car when a little girl began singing, "Jesus Loves Me."

So windy on some days going to work (facing west as I hitchhiked) that I didn't have to hold the sign (dayglow green, reversible, with the name of the town where I was going) because the wind pinned it to my chest.

Tough days.
My party pals thought I'd gone nuts and that God was my imaginary friend.
The Christians I met didn't know WHAT to do with me.

Amicable split with my heathen friends at work when I lost my job.
The Program Director hugged me and told me he loved me.
And he did.  And I loved him.

Googled him a while back.  Big shot on the radio in Baltimore.
Deserved it.

Acrimonious split with my christian wife.
Go figure.

No, I'm not whining.
That was the deal.
And I survived.

Knew it was temporary.
Knew I had many more years to recover.
Knew God would care for me.

My best years were ahead.  Seriously.
Not that I knew it.  But they were.

Kids.  Ministry. Grandchildren. 
The Bike.  Maybe even you.

Divorces.  Penury.  A child who not only didn't want me at her christian baptism, but was angry that I even found out about it. 

Tough stuff.
Not too tough to endure.
And/or thrive.
So far.

But it's getting old.
Even though it isn't.
And I'm not doing as well as I should.
Even though I should.

***

Now do you see why I am thankful for a car with 327,592 miles on it?
It's mine.  Nobody's gonna have a nice cop interrupt my newscast with a warrant for its arrest.

Yes, it is embarrassing to drive a car with the back window duct-taped shut.  Not exactly the Babemobile.

But any woman who won't like me because of my car is not a woman I would want to have a future with anyway.  Saves time, in the long run.  Seriously.

What man can't get a date in a [insert car a hottie would like here]? 
I don't want a woman who wants to date my car.  Or bike.  Or clothes.

***

And while we're on this honesty kick, let's get this straight.

I overcompensate about my absence of a love life by teasing about dating movie stars, etc.

The best date I've had in years?  Yesterday. 

Went to church with a lovely lady I met on Facebook.  Went to lunch with her afterward.  Jim, her husband, paid for my meal.  He's a great guy with a great wife.

That's all the dating I want/need right now, thanks.

As I've said before, the last woman I kissed was my last wife.  Seven years ago.

That's the deal.

Is it getting old?
Yup.

Can I endure?
Yup.

Would I rather be happily married to a caring, dedicated woman?
Show me some people who are happily married. 
Then ask me.

***

Self-Loathing

Having the hardest time with me.

Do NOT like the way I freaked out at/over AT&T when it took more than six hours to activate a cell phone recently.  Finally drove 25 miles RT to the store.

The solution?  I had inserted the SIM card improperly.  My mistake.  Thought it would only go in ONE way.  Nope.  Nothing is foolproof to some fools.

I'll bet I swore 100 times that day.

Lost my temper.  Lost my cool.  Lost my self-control.
Lost my self-respect.

***

Some people will think I'm always that way.
Some people will think I could never be that way.
Some people will think they've been that way.
Some people will think they could not be that way.

Stay tuned.

***

What would it take to freak you out?
How would you handle it?

What'cha gonna do when the well runs dry? Or the levee breaks?

I don't care what you'd do with a million dollars.
How are you gonna cope with hardship?

Who will you be without your fancy car/house/clothes/whatever?

Don't think for a minute that God loves you so much you won't have hard times.  Read the Bible.  It's about the God who cares for you IN trials, not a bodyguard who keeps you from trouble.

That's the deal, folks.

God might have no plans to keep trouble from your door.
I don't know.  Neither do you.

God has plans for you to trust Him in the valley of the shadow of debt and death.  To know for certain that He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Even when all else is lost.

Ready?

***

Be thankful for the good days.
Be thankful in the hard days.

This life isn't the one that lasts forever.
The next one does.

That's the one where everything is perfect.
Not this one.

That's the kingdom where God reigns.
Not this one.

Because of heaven (and not the lure of seven virgins waiting for my arrival) I can and will endure this world.  By God's grace, strength and encouragement.

God loves me.
God cares for me and my loved ones.
Life is good, even if life isn't perfect.

I have hope that God will weave everything together and make something beautiful of my life and existence.

I have hope that God will comfort me

even on days when I'm raging at AT&T
in spite of my sin
because no one can be good enough to earn God's love

and God will offer me whatever it takes to endure.


Even if the path does not include cars, jobs, love or adoring family.
Even if it's just the two of us.

I'll make it.
Even if I want to give up.

Even if I want to vomit when rich people complain about being poor.
Or my feelings are hurt when poor people -- like me -- are dissed.

You can make it too.
Maybe easier than me; you probably have less baggage to carry.
And you're probably nicer.


Say it with me:
"We can make it."

It's true.
Even when it doesn't seem true.

***

If only we'd listen to God when He says

"Do not be afraid."