Hope you are well.
Sorry I haven't written more, but ... to tell you the truth ... I haven't been doing all that well and I refuse to whine about it.
Well, I sort of refuse.
**
Update
First, I want to thank God that I am getting unemployment benefits (UB) from my last employer. Never expected to get them.
When they fired my boss a few months back, he applied for UB. They fought to keep him from getting UB. A hearing was scheduled to decide the case. My old boss gave me a [take a stab at spelling "subpoena" here] to testify at the hearing -- although I didn't have a clue what I was going to be asked or what anybody expected me to know or say.
The Company (TC) we worked for hired an attorney to represent *me* at that hearing. Seriously. Had this attorney's cell number and home number and when I called he answered on the first ring. Told the attorney that TC made me buy my own pens for work and asked why they would hire a lawyer to defend ME at the UB hearing for somebody else. Got a "because they love you" b/s response.
Figured out later it was cheaper for TC to hire attorneys to fight UB claims than to pay UB to workers unjustly fired.
Figured when it was my turn to get a UB hearing they'd fight just as hard against me. Figured only God could defeat them. [Please note: I did not call them "merciless dogs."]
Expected a battle. Expected to argue my case. Expected God to intercede. Didn't expect to ever be granted UB.
TC never opposed my benefits. No hearing. No lawyers. No battle.
Only the foolish would miss God's hand at work. Call it faith or idiocy, I know God delivered me -- again -- from the hands of a mighty foe.
I am thankful.
**
These Days
Still find being out of work and out of touch with people exceptionally hard. I try to balance looking for work with getting out of the house.
Pondered that popular platitude "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result."
Figured it's insane to continue to look for work over and over, expecting to get a job. Do it anyway, but I call it perseverance.
Figured it's insane to be on the lookout (as compared to "prowl") for a woman to have, hold and enjoy. Do it anyway, but I call it being a romantic.
But we all know it's insanity.
Take finding a job, for instance. There are precisely a gazillionty-seven bazillion, 843 zillion, 444 teramillion, 25 million, 12 thousand and nine people out of work.
People who are fortunate enough to be on UB have received them, on average, for 40 weeks. It's quite common for companies to reject all job applications from people who have been unemployed for more than six months.
(People who have been out of work for over a year -- unless they're still getting UB -- are not counted by the government as unemployed.)
Want a flash mob? Advertise a job in the paper or online and tell applicants to show up someplace for an interview. You could have 5,000 people anywhere you want, whenever you want.
That's the job market.
Bet I know 50 attractive single women. Bet each one knows dozens of less attractive single guys. Bet we all know two dozen people in bad marriages. Bet most of us don't know a dozen people who have been in love with the same person for more than a year.
That's the love market.
Relationships are crazy. But for the most part, we all say we're willing to work for a good one. Even though it's as crazy as hoping we'll get good jobs someday.
**
A Lesson From The Bike
You want the engine to start? Start it yourself.
Want to turn left? Turn left.
Wanna stop? Stop.
But you're on your own, bucko.
Looking cool won't start your engine or help you turn or stop. It's up to you and nobody else. Leather and chrome don't do much at 75 mph.
**
Went to lunch with a friend. He had surgery and his arm was in a sling. He asked if I minded cutting up the steak he ordered because his arm was skronked. I was happy to help.
There ain't nothin like that on a bike.
You are on your own.
You cannot expect any help from anyone while you're riding.
And I love it.
But what you gain by being independent
you lose by not being interdependent.
Not dependent, mind you.
Just that riding a bike isn't a team sport. At least not the way that I ride.
And my way does more to isolate me from others
than connect me to/with others.
That's an area where I need to grow and mature.
**
Lessons from a Raffle
Rode with many others on a charity ride sponsored by the Hall County Sheriff's department. Nice people. Nice day. Nice ride.
LOVE having a police escort that lets you blast through red lights and stop signs, riding in a pack with other bikes.
The fluidity of zipping and wiggling with others gets a tad primordial. Kinda like being a duck flying in harmony and unison with others, following eons-old urges to vee our way to safety, food and a chance to hit on the lady duck you've flown behind all day.
After an hour or so of riding your motorcycle with the pack, you get an urge to flap your wings and quack.
But you don't.
Because that would be crazy
and you'd crash your bike
and die a horrible death.
It's not good to follow all your urges; especially in Las Vegas or with women named "Boom-Boom" or guys they call "Rodent."
But I digress.
After the ride, there was a raffle.
I won the world's ugliest T-shirt. Wouldn't dare use it to shine The Bike because I don't want to know how it would get even with me for rubbing something so ugly on it. I mean, what if the ugly wore off? Huh?
Also won a set of tools. Drill bits, they said. A few appeared to be what violent ninjas throw a mile or so to silently maim/murder their helpless prey. Not being a ninja (anymore), I gave them away.
The raffle became increasingly frustrating. People kept winning free oil changes. Bunches of them.
I cleverly reminded God that HIS car -- on loan to me -- needed an oil change and that WE didn't exactly have a bunch of money to waste on oil changes (given opportunities to spend $25 on motorcycle charity rides and valuable raffle tickets).
Gave God a snippy "That's OK!" each time guys with plenty of money won free oil changes and I didn't. But it bothered me.
God can do anything, right?
God loves me, right?
I want/need an oil change and here's a perfect way for God to give me one for FREE. All He has to do is have them pick MY number. What's so hard about that?
Nope, I didn't win an oil change.
Therefore I was not going to get a free oil change.
Because ... you cannot expect it to work any other way at a raffle.
When the party was over, I walked back through the crowd toward my bike. I had only seen four or five people that I knew. Didn't take long to say goodbye.
Almost bumped into a stranger. His face was all scrunched up -- confused looking -- but like he was sucking on a lemon at the same time. This total stranger looks RIGHT at me and he says right TO me: "Do you live in South Hall [county]?"
Told him I did.
He mumbled something about living WAY too far from there to be able to use "this" and he handed me a business card from the place down the road from me. It was an authorization for a free oil change.
God didn't need me to win a raffle.
God wasn't intimidated by my frustration that He didn't do things my way.
He waited until I gave up all hope. Don't ask me why.
Then He dropped an oil change into my hand.
Because He loves me.
And because He can do anything.
Even when you least expect it.
***
Expectations
I could talk for an hour about expectations.
(But, if you know me, you know I could talk for an hour about anything. And I will, if you don't suddenly remember that you'd love to listen but your grandmother just died. Again.)
What you expect determines your mental and physical health, your spiritual health and your financial health too, in my humble opinion.
Expectations are the bull's-eyes on the targets we set for our lives.
Expect a perfect spouse and you're doomed.
Expect perfect kids/parents and you're doomed.
Expect perfect coworkers/neighbors/siblings/friends and you're doomed.
Expect all your investments to prosper and you're doomed.
Set reasonable expectations and you will rarely be disappointed.
Always expect the worst and you will never be disappointed ... or content.
**
My Expectations
I don't expect you to like my expectations.
I'm not the happiest guy on earth and I have had my share of heartaches. I think I'm a realist. With that in mind, here are a few things I expect. I'll follow them with a few hopes and desires.
I expect I will not always have great health.
I do not expect to always have an abundance of money.
I do not expect my car and household appliances to last forever.
I expect that I will get speeding tickets if I drive/ride too fast.
I expect to die someday.
I expect that everyone I know will die someday.
I expect to be sad when friends die, even if it's inevitable.
I expect a few people will be sad when I die.
I expect I will be mugged/robbed or worse if I am in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I expect wisdom to protect me from foolish mistakes. For example, I expect I will lose my money if I make foolish investments.
I expect my friends and family to be imperfect.
I expect my enemies will be merciless and malevolent.
I expect God will forgive my sins and care for me in good times and bad.
I do not expect to ever have another great job, as I have had in the past.
I do not expect to be loved by a faithful, gracious woman.
I do not expect to be happily married to a godly woman.
I do not expect all my friends to be faithful to me or one another.
I do not expect my daughters to love me or care for me when I'm old.
I do not expect anyone to meet my needs.
I expect God will meet my needs; maybe through you, my kids, my family or others, but my reliance will be on God, not others.
I expect to fail God.
I expect Him to forgive me.
I expect to fail the people in my life.
I do not expect them to forgive me.
I expect to spend eternity in heaven with God.
I do not expect to be worthy of heaven.
**
My Hopes
I hope to use my gifts and talents in a job that will pay my bills.
I hope to have friends to love and enjoy.
I hope to find a woman to share my life with and to share hers with me.
I hope to have good health, but I know I must eat better and exercise more.
I hope to have good relationships with my daughters and their families.
I hope my car won't break down, but I know I must maintain it wisely.
I hope my friends will be honest with me.
I hope I will always be honest with my friends.
I hope I can stay in my home for many years.
I hope I can earn enough money to do so.
I don't have to hope God will provide for me wherever I end up, because I know He will.
I hope my friends and family will have long, healthy lives.
I hope to "be there" for my friends in times of need.
I hope to have friends who will help me ... if I can ever bring myself to ask for help. I also hope to never have to ask for help from anyone.
**
I hope you will find the peace that comes from having faith in God.
I hope you will ask Him to forgive your sins.
I hope you will believe Jesus Christ died to pay the penalty for your sins.
I hope you will find joy in serving others.
I hope you have friends and family who enjoy serving you.
I hope you are satisfied with your life ... not angry or resentful that some expectations were unmet.
I hope we can temper our expectations.
I hope we can have enormous dreams.
I hope we will forgive God for not meeting all our expectations.
I hope we will learn to be thankful for what we have.
I hope God will use us to love and care for others, on His behalf.
I hope your life is as good as mine -- or better -- and that you'll tell others how great God has been to you and your loved ones.
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